Silly Wabbit Tricks are for Stupid Chicks...

Enigmatic Magnetism

My head hurts and I'm not even in a relationship. Three of my closest friends have either broken up with their significant other, confirmed their suspicions of a false sense love or what ever they call it (meaning that the other person isn't that into them - cheating, bored etc). Anyway, the job description of a good friend is to idly sit and listen endlessly at their confirmed suspicions when you knew this months ago. Its mentally taxing and at times torturous after you've heard the same thing ad nauseum. Personally, one criteria I always apply and abide by when I decide to go into a relations is to gauge the stress-migraine meter.

I'm not perfect, no one is and no relationship is free of issues, but then I try to make it so that the stress-migraine factor is on the lower end of the scale. Meaning no ex-factor lingering around, work-a-holics, manic depressants, former convicts or members of any organized crime etc ~ you get the idea. I don't have migraine-inducing relationships nor do I really don't want them, yet I must suffer for my friends' decisions. That said, Id rather be alone with "Paulo" and a pack of double AA batteries than live a lie and be in a "false relationship". I don't know why anyone would subject themselves and live life that way. is

But, its human nature not to want to be alone. Freud has done extensive research on the topic of solitude, loneliness and the concept of being "unattached and single". More often than not most relationships even marriages are based on the this false so-called love. One friend once said, that her relationship was a business transaction - based on ROI. Like a mathematics formula. They had spend x amount of years together and have zxy financial investments together and to leave and start all over would be defy all business laws. Plus according to her, she had learned to love and him.

Well, I think we sometimes confuse attachment for love. To say one is falling in love is such a blissful ignorant statement. One doesn't fall in love - its either there in the beginning or not. And, in the beginning of a relationship you don't declare love immediately or else be branded desperate. I guess, not love per se but that unexplainable emotion. And please don't confuse it for lust either. This is the mistake many people make.

Then there are those rare relationships~based solely on pure bliss, love, devotion, attraction and everything Romeo and Juliet is made of. The ones where if asked why do you like said person and you can only mutter "I don't know". Because to say all the generic lame reasons like he/she makes me laugh, is kind, is smart, has good values, is ambitious isn't from the heart but rather from the mind. These are all basic fundamental core preferences - no one wants to be with a bitch or an asshole with no manners. When emotions are real and love is true you don't know why youre with that person but only know you cant be without - this person makes you overflow with emotions that even the greatest poets can never even begin to describe.

After many years of dating and being in and out of love (or it seems I thought), Ive finally figured out what is real and not. And I also figured we get "three big ones" (Bronx Tale).

And out of those "three big ones" there is still only "one true love" (Shakespeare).

I figured Narnar was my first and puppy love and Zman was my first real adult love; I guess I get one more. Zman and I tested our theories of real chemistry and true emotions. We sat 10 feet across from each other and even then we felt the magnetic attraction. And if you asked why we were together I couldnt begin to tell you. Its one of those relationships where you can have sex for 3 days straight and or not do anything at all and its all the same. Zman, Zman, Zman...

My Superman

I had a minor Epiphany today ~ as I was having lunch with the biggest migraine/hang-over known to mankind, I realized I may have found my superman! Well, according to my psychic, astrologer to the stars and my spiritual guide, yes, I think we all should have at least one of the above. Everyone in New York City has a shrink, I'm also allowed to have my angst-outlet with a sprinkling of entertainment value. I originally had gone for S & G (shit and giggles) with the girls but that's another story. According to all three of them, I will never be happy in a relationship until I find my "superman". I have been with beautiful, brilliant and wonderful men, men who are great in their own rights - but no one seems to stick. I've dated my share of a B-list celebrities both from here and abroad, politicians, super-uber finance boys and even royalty. But none have captivated my mind or my heart. But this "alleged-superman" does something to me. Superman massages all my senses~spiritually, physically and mentally. When I'm with him I'm in a different universe - I'm flying and soaring, I'm curious and inspired. I am convinced he may be my superman because he can read my mind. He knows my thoughts and can somehow navigate through my galaxy of complexities. I don't know if my head situation blinded my senses... I also say "alleged" because there is only one true superman, however I do believe he did have an evil twin. Even if this one is the stand-in until the real one comes along, he has come the closest and so we shall see...

Can You Read My Mind
Can you read my mind?
Do you know what it is you do to me?
Don't know who you are
Just a friend from another star

Here I am like a kid at a school
Holding hands with a god, I'm a fool
Will you look at me quivering
Like a little girl shivering?
You can see right through me

Can you read my mind?
Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?
Wondering why you are
All the wonderful things you are

You can fly, you belong to the sky
You and I could belong to each other
If you need a friend, I'm the one to fly to
If you need to be loved,
Here I am, read my mind

Heart Surgery

Metaphorically, if you slice open my heart and even my brain you will find family, rocky, champagne, rice crackers, expensive lotions and potions and then there he is "Hassan". This man, for what ever reason has possessed my every waking and sleeping thoughts. Said boy and I had never even had a real relationship. We "dated" for four months and at most and saw each other once a week. I like to pride myself in thinking that I don't have an addictive personality ~ and I don't! I don't understand and two years later I still don't. Was it because we never had closure or was it because we never had a start?

Secret Whisper

Blue Water Rainbow
Sadness and Disappointment
Secrets of my Heart

Paint Me White...

a boy... she giggles
city of wonderment, lust
passion...love...dreams
earth shattering~free flowing
spiritulized...conceptualized...realized
paint me black...paint me white...repeat

This picture was actually taken a year ago during the great snow storm of 2006. So exciting and enchanting at the same time, as if we've never experienced a snow storm before. Snow-storm theme parties were in full effect all over the city.

Midnight came and the snow slowly started to float in. Suddenly the city was turned into a winter wonderland. The grime and grit of the city was blanketed with the magical cleansing powder ~ even if for one night.

I was in the sexiest city in the world, in the most magical corner, with the most charming man. The snow continued to drift around us and the sound of children's laughter started to fade, and then silence. Just pure bliss...paint me black...paint me white...repeat

Home Sweet Home...

Inspiration comes in many shapes and forms, for me it was the weather. It's been a blistering, painfully cold February. It was only weeks ago we were basking in 60 degree weather, actually many of us complaining that we weren't going to experience a real winter. Well, who's complaining now? Long gone are those days. It's been too cold to run along the Hudson and way too much effort to put on layers to grab the Times and my bagel from around the corner.

All this laziness has inspired my long over due blog. But, moreover, my desires to be somewhere warm. Home...Guam, 3,000 miles away. Sun, constant 87 degrees, warm tropical breezes, sandy beaches and mom and dad.